Do you ever fall asleep worrying and wake up with the same thoughts running through your mind? I do.

Usually, those worries and thoughts that keep me up, and follow me during every waking moment, are about my kids.

I worry about all the things that moms worry about and often, I wish that someone could just tell me how to actually solve the problem. Tell me a simple path to get me to where I want to go so that I can stop worrying so much.

Well, friends, if you’ve been asking yourself if your child needs speech therapy, and you may have been worrying about this question for some time, and you wish someone would just tell you a simple path to solve that nagging question, I’m here to help!

Keep reading, and if you consider these few items listed below, soon you’ll have a simple path to answering your question.

So, where do you start?

Well, my guess is that someone along the way told you that they were concerned about your child’s speech skills. Am I right?

Normally, I would tell you to ignore what others are saying and follow your gut, right? But, there is one exception to this rule and that is listening to feedback from your child’s communication partners.

What in the world are communication partners, you ask? Well, a “communication partner” is just a speechy word for describing anyone that your child might need to communicate with or interact with during the day.

The first step is to identify your child’s communication partners.

So, the first step is identifying all the people that your child interacts with on a regular and not so regular basis. You may think this circle is rather small, especially if your child is rather small. But, I’m here to tell you, your child interacts with LOTS of people during the day.

Think about your child’s day and what they do and where they go. You’ll see there are lots of communication partners out there in their world!

Here’s a quick checklist to get your thinking juices flowing:

• YOU!
• Your partner/child’s immediate family caregiver
• Your child’s immediate family siblings
• Your child’s bus driver
• Your child’s before school/after school transportation driver
• Your child’s before school/after school teacher
• Your child’s preschool or school teacher
• Your child’s preschool or school teacher’s assistant
• The person helping with carpool drop off/pick-up
• Other teacher’s in your child’s school (many!) who would collaborate or co-teach or do some sort of grade-level activity with your child’s class
• The person helping with lunch – if your child is in a school cafeteria – the person handing out trays and utensils, the person handing out food, and the person checking your child out at the register
• Specials teachers – art, music, P.E., library
• Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins
• Friends

That’s just a typical day! Let’s say you pick your child up and decide to go somewhere after school or during the weekend:

• The Grocery store/Target/Walmart: anyone who thinks they are cute and smiles, waves, or tries to say hello to your child, the person at the coffee shop (usually two people – the check out person and the barista), the person at the dressing rooms, the person stocking shelves, and of course, the check out person at the end of the trip
• The Library: anyone who thinks they are cute and smiles, waves, or tries to say hello to your child, the person running the child event/book reading time, the check out person
• The Playground: the other same-age kids, the other kids’ parents, the other kids’ siblings (who may be older or younger than your child)
• Sports: the coach, the assistant coach, the other kids, the other parents who are handing out snacks
• The Friend’s House: your child’s same-age kid, your adult friend, siblings of your child, other children of your friend (who may be older or younger than your child), and any other friends that might be over

You would want to start with the communication partners that your child interacts with every single day. These people see and communicate with your child each day. Most of them have known your child for some time.

What Are People Saying?

Now, the next step is to become a speech detective for your child.

What kinds of things do other people describe to you when talking about your child’s communication? If you’ve heard some of these phrases before, chances are good that a communication breakdown might be happening:

S/he does’t seem to hear me…S/he doesn’t listen to directions…S/he seems lost in class, like they don’t know what to do next…S/he gets in fights often with other children…S/he has a hard time settling down for circle time…S/he won’t talk when called upon…S/he won’t STOP talking when I let her/him know it’s quiet time…S/he talks really loudly…S/he talks really quietly…I can’t understand her/him…I ask her/him to repeat themselves so I can understand and they refuse…the list goes on!

Now, whether you agree with them or not, that’s your decision. But, it’s a good idea to at least consider what they are saying about try to whittle down their concerns to what the root problem really is.

What about other people?

Then consider the interactions with others that your child may not see or talk to every day. These every once in a while interactions can provide valuable in formation if you are paying very close attention and know what signs to look for.

Does your child get very quiet when the other person asks a question? Or, does your child try to start an interaction but the other person doesn’t understand – and THEN your child gets quiet? Does your child only repeat the same things over and over? Does the communication partner ask for clarification? Does the communication partner make a face of confusion? Does the communication partner say “what?” or “hmm?” a lot? Does the communication partner look to you to interpret for your child?

These are all signs that the communication partner and your child might be having trouble communicating.

Now that you’ve seen how many communication partners your child has a during a typical day, you can see that if your child is struggling with speech or language skills, your child may have many times during the day that are hard or more difficult than they have to be.

None of us want our children to struggle. We want to help them so they can have smooth days, happy days, not struggling days. You can be a speech detective for your child and get an idea if your child is struggling.

If your child is struggling, then the best way to figure out if your child would benefit from speech therapy, is to get a speech/language evaluation.

Does Your Child Notice?

So, one big indicator that your child might need a speech/language evaluation is frustration levels – for you or your child. In therapy, we call this a “red flag”. This basically means, a huge sign that something is not working as well as it could. Let me explain.

When kids are very young, sometimes they will speak with mistakes and not seem to pay much attention. Kids are are busy learning and adjusting their speech to match the adults in their lives. So, not paying attention to every little mistake while they are growing is expected.

But over time, as your child gets older, they will have more things to say and will be speaking in longer sentences. When they get to this point, they may still be having difficulty with their communication. People might ask them to repeat themselves constantly. Or, your child might be interrupted right in the middle of a great story and asked what they just said.

This may become a regular occurrence. Then the frustration levels go up, and most kids do one of two things: stop talking or show their anger (you know, that fight or flight response). Meaning that communication becomes stressful for your child, because they are having a fight or flight response to it.

A little experiment to try

If you’d like to see for yourself, I have a little experiment for you to try. Try this tonight with an adult partner or friend.

Ask them to tell you a story about something that happened to them during the day, and act really interested in what they are about to say….then interrupt them about once every 60 seconds. Ask them to repeat certain words because you didn’t understand. Put a look on your face that says, “I am focusing really hard on what you are saying, but I’m confused”.

Can you imagine what would happen without having to actually do this experiment? Probably. The other adult would become frustrated and probably do one of two things – say “forget it” and stop talking or blow up and tell you to let them get a word in edgewise. The whole conversation would be stressful.

Can you imagine how it would feel if you were the one interrupted all the time, constantly asked to repeat words that the other person didn’t hear, or speaking to someone with a confused look on their face?

You would be frustrated, you might stop talking, sometimes you might get angry and complain that the other person is not letting you speak. You would be stressed out, and with good reason!

This is how your child feels every time they open their mouth to speak. All. Day. Every. Day.

Stressed everyday about speech

No parent wants their child to have a stressful, frustrating experience when all they are trying to do is tell you something funny that happened on the playground.

When our kids are confused, frustrated, or stressed out we try to help them. That’s natural. Most of time, when they are frustrated, we know what to do. What if they are frustrated about communication breakdowns that happen all day, all the time? What do you do then?

Talk with someone who can help you get answers to reduce the stress in your child’s life. The only person who would be able to do that, is a Speech-Language Pathologist with a speech/language evaluation.

Snapshot Of Speech/Language Skills

If you’re wondering whether or not you should get a speech/language evaluation for your child then chances are your child needs a speech/language evaluation.

So, the next step is to look into a speech/language evaluation for your child. But, you may be wondering if your detective work was spot on, if it was perfect. You may be worried that you are wrong, that your child doesn’t need speech therapy.

Let that thought go. No one expects you to be perfect or to know everything there is in the world in relation to your child.

What will a speech/language evaluation show me?

Let me be clear, taking your child to get an evaluation doesn’t mean that your child will need speech therapy. Just like your child participating in a math evaluation from the teacher doesn’t mean that your child will need a tutor.

A speech/language evaluation is just that – it’s an evaluation of your child’s current speech and language skills. It’s a snapshot of what they are doing right now, today, and what their strengths and weaknesses are within that snapshot. It’s information, that’s all.

The speech/language evaluation will look at that snapshot and compare it to what other kids are doing that are the same age as your child. If your child is doing the same things as expected, this is called the “average range” or “within normal limits”. The average range is wide because each child is different.

If your child’s snaphot shows that they are doing what is expected at their age, then the speech therapist would let you know that, and no therapy would be recommended.

An educated, licensed, credentialed Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP) will not recommend speech/language therapy your child if your child doesn’t need it. That goes against the code of ethics they must follow.

If your child’s snapshot shows that they are having difficulty with a particular speech or language skill – compared to kids the same age – then the (SLP) will recommend speech or language therapy to work on those skills.

Then the rest is up to you. You are the parent. You are given the information and then you decide what happens next.

So, really, it’s an information gathering exercise that only a qualified Speech-Language Pathologist can provide. Nothing to be afraid of.

Trust Your Gut

You know your child better than anyone else. One of the most important things a parent can do is trust themselves. Trust me, I learned how to do this – the hard way!

My child was very sick when he was young. Regularly, I would call up the pediatrician (about once a month, yep) and set up an appointment. When I would get there, I would often be met with glances of skepticism. I would imagine them thinking, “Why is she here again?” or “Oh, it’s that mom again.”

But, you know what, my kid was actually sick…every…single…time. So, over time, I began to trust myself a little bit more and a little bit more.

Until one day, I called to make an appointment and when they asked what the symptoms were for my child, all I could say was that he wasn’t acting like himself. I just knew something was wrong. No temperature. No fussiness. No snot smeared all over his face. I went to the pediatrician, and sure enough, he had asymptomatic RSV, a serious respiratory illness that can cause hospitalizations, bronchitis, asthma – just to name a few illnesses that no parent ever wants to think about.

The truth is that my child got help because I trusted my gut and acted on my intuition. If I had waited, his illness could have been even more severe than it already was.

If I had let my worry about being “that mom” or wondering what the doctor or staff were thinking of me, I wouldn’t have gone to the doctors and been able to get my child the help he needed.

Please don’t let what others think, no matter who they are, prevent you from acting on what your gut is telling you.

How To Trust Your Gut

Now, this takes time and practice and dare I say a little courage, just like most things in life. So, here are some questions to ask yourself when figuring out how to listen to your gut:

• Do you talk about your child’s speech difficulties with friends, neighbors, family, or late at night with your partner?
• Do you often fall asleep or wake up with a feeling of worry?
• Do you listen to your child when they are speaking, but you don’t really hear what they are saying because you’re too busy focused on their speech?
• Do others in your child’s life have a hard time understanding – teacher, friends, family, even a caregiver?
• Does your child often get frustrated when others don’t understand what they are saying?
• Do you often act as interpreter for your child? Do others (siblings, I’m looking at you!)?

If you answered yes to 2 or more of these questions, it’s time to trust yourself and go get a speech/language evaluation!

So, what’s next?

Well, we talked about taking a look at your child’s communication partners. Who does your child interact with during the day and what are they saying to you about your child’s communication? For people that your child doesn’t see everyday, you have to be the detective there and look for clues that communication might be challenging.

Now, you can tell if your child notices what is happening and you have an idea of what that might feel like by doing a little experiment yourself.

Last, but most importantly, you’ve gotten in touch with your own intuition and are learning to trust yourself, despite what others might say.

You know that if you’re asking yourself this question, more than likely that means you feel your child would benefit from having a speech/language evaluation.

There’s only one thing left to do – contact a licensed, credentialed, speech-language pathologist to schedule an evaluation for your child.